enigma

Welcome to Dystopia

Today is:

Dec. 14th, 2004 @ 06:10 pm friends only

Blueroseboy

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add your comment here to be added as a friend (if you havent so already)

Dec. 5th, 2004 @ 09:50 pm artsy- fartsy and friends.....

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

running out of high
What I'm listening to: some really bad yellowcard song

Nov. 14th, 2004 @ 03:32 pm art: part 2

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

chipper
What I'm listening to: nothing better - the postal service

Nov. 1st, 2004 @ 05:17 pm my first published photos

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

pleased
What I'm listening to: A Decade Under The Influence, Taking Back Sunday

Sep. 22nd, 2004 @ 05:36 pm WARNING: please read this

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

calm
What I'm listening to: october nights -yellowcard

I have decided to publish (again) my life on this online journal.

But because i keep my life such a secret already, i have decided to make my journal accessible only to those who leave a comment to this message. Meaning all you have to do is ask. No matter if i like you or not, just leave a message (not anonymously) and ill put you on my friends list, all those previously on my friends list will be erased so please, leave a comment... i dont even have to know who you are.
but you will know who i am.

rylan

Jul. 29th, 2004 @ 03:13 am have in me a little faith

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

scared
What I'm listening to: if i am, nine days

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Very High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

tell me am i getting better or worse?
want to know a secret? theres blood on my walls that no one else sees.

the song that describes my life:

so you're standing on the ledge
it looks like you might fall,
so far down, or maybe you, were thinking about jumping
but you could have it all, if you learned a little patience,
but though i cannot fly, i'm not content to crawl
so give me a little credit, have in me a little faith
i wanna be with you forever, but tomorrow's not too late

but it's always too late when you've got nothing,
so you say
and you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
before the sun rises today

if i am, another waste of everything you've dreamed of
i will let you down
if i am, only here to watch you as you suffer
i will let you down

so you're walking on the edge,
and you wait your turn to fall,
but you're so far gone that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you
and you could find a fault,
in the heart that you've been handed
but though you cannot fly, you're not content to crawl

and it's always too late when you've got nothing,
so you say
and you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
before the sun rises...

if i am, another waste of everything you've hoped for
i will let you down
if i am, only here to watch you as you suffer
i will let you down

so you're standing on the ledge,
it looks like you might fall.......

if i am, another waste of everything you've dreamed of
i will let you down (i will let you down)
if i am, only here to watch you as you suffer
i will let you down

the answers we find,
are never what we had in mind
so we make it up as we go along
we don't talk the dreams, i won't let go tomorrow
we won't make those promises that we can't keep.......

i will never leave you,
i will not let you down

Jul. 29th, 2004 @ 02:38 am only when i stop to think about it

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

annoyed
What I'm listening to: clark gable, postal service

back by popular request... or utter bordom... id like to think the first.

i havent written in this el jay in about 4 months. so for those of you who arent up to date with my life, i am no longer the one you read about back in my earlier entries. its odd... i dont remember writing any of it. you probably think to yourself now... well i dont remember things four months ago either... its not like that though. there are two types of people in the world: yourself, and everyone else. dont compare yourself to me, dont let people compare themselves to you. you are an individual, different than any and every person on earth.

but enough cynicism, about my life, thats what a live journal is for anyways right, i recently returned from film school. it was a 4 week camp in universal studios, LA. besides the shitty food, uncomfortable accomidations, and occasional feelings of loneliness, i would say it was an overall positive experience. i learned a lot about what i want to be when i outgrow this town. (if i havent already)

on another note i have started a quest... burn 128 cds for my special someone. dont know who that is? well then you really ARE behind in the rylan gossip... dont ask me just pick up a magazine and read about it.

if youre still reading obviously you wernt one of the people who thought i was serious and ran out to pick up this weeks "people" magazine. i wont tell you nosey live journal nerds who, but i will tell you she's wonderful. shes nothing like me, but thats what keep us interlocked, like puzzle pieces.

youre persistant... if you've made it this far you must have some sort of interest in my life... or you dont have one of your own, so you decide to read about someone who does. well i dont have a whole lot more to say...

clark gable <im better than him quiz: at what am i better than him at?

Mar. 23rd, 2004 @ 09:14 pm on half speed, tonight i suffer

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

morose
What I'm listening to: tomorrow, sr 71

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mar. 15th, 2004 @ 11:55 pm building a brand new planet

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

lonely
What I'm listening to: she loves me not, papa roach

do you fall in love with someone else?
or fall in love with the person you become when around that someone?

Mar. 15th, 2004 @ 08:39 pm Stand Ablaze, Screaming, As the flames caress my face

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

artistic
What I'm listening to: man your battle stations...

officially my favorite picture:

its me, can you not tell?

to those of you who know what im talking about, i ordered the exploding dog book... im so exited, comes in about 2 weeks.

and i think i had a change of heart.

Mar. 14th, 2004 @ 10:19 pm who said i was sane?...

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

worried
What I'm listening to: i miss you, incubus

this is depressing:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

is this post a cry for help, or a notice of unfortunate events?

Mar. 14th, 2004 @ 02:33 pm in the space between his body and the ground, comets cast off their names, stellar neurons misfire

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

flirty
What I'm listening to: walking be, something corporate

because this is so cool:

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Mar. 14th, 2004 @ 02:23 am our earth is but a shadow, created from a child's heart... a living jewel

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

crazy
What I'm listening to: and i, box car racer

its been a while since a real post... and im semi-inspired, so i will write to the few who actually spend time to read this. whats funny is most people get to about HERE in a live journal entry, and then give up... and skim the points that GO INTO CAPS or are ................... oddly separated............. or some other way of standing out. Blah blah blah... what is rylan complaining about now? Whats also facinating about live journals is that people are either talking about how great some party, dance, or event was to them. IE: OMG JOES PARTY WAS SO FUN... i got DRUNK... and then i MADE AN IDIOT OF MYSELF... (insert emo apologies) ~im so sorry for what i did _______ (some nickname that no one gets) Or how shitty their life is... IE: OMG... today... was so depressing... everyone ignored me... i have no friends... im going to kill myself... die me die... im sorry ______ forgive me. OR its some song lyric that you think is SOOOOOO GOOD, but obviously, the world doesnt agree with you because NO ONE wastes their time reading an entire song lyric. Especially if you put a song no one has heard of. Is someone going to go out of their way to download a song YOU think is cool. Fuck no. People suck, they dont care about anyone else but themselves. Hence why live journal is so successful. You get to talk about yourself, and its ok. You can show whats really going on in your life, and share it with the world.

And its just a game... whos life is more depressing?
who had the most fun at a party?
which song lyric is actually the best?

if you actually read this all, and i mean READ, i applaud you, youre the first. and if you just read this, and not everything else before it, congrats, youre exactly like everyone else.

peace~ ry guy

Mar. 11th, 2004 @ 11:40 pm curse her lips and mouth

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

pissed off
What I'm listening to: my last breath, evanescence

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

friday tomorrow, worst day of the WEEK.

Mar. 7th, 2004 @ 09:31 pm in cold ceremonial perfection, more radiant than sum of suns

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

aggravated
What I'm listening to: bleed, cold

leave a weird noise...

Mar. 7th, 2004 @ 06:32 pm i owe this to the animal inside

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

restless
What I'm listening to: three libras, a perfect circle

why does the moon look larger when its lower in the sky?

Mar. 6th, 2004 @ 12:02 pm slow i go

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

drained
What I'm listening to: defying gravity, Idina Menzel

the most depressed ive been in a long time. headaches and advil doesnt help. cloudy vison. hard of hearing. i have no body to talk to.

now you see me
now you dont
now you need me
now you dont

Mar. 4th, 2004 @ 11:28 pm who dares to follow?

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

working
What I'm listening to: in keeping secrets of silent earth 3, coheed and cambria

from the sat book:
laura knows what im talking about...
(she also thinks her math tutor, JAMES, is hott stuffff..)

we have a sixth sense, a sense we cant sense. its an organ inside our noses called the vomeronasal organ. directly connected to our 1st brain, we are not aware of the effects it takes on us. this 6th sense of smell is the sense of emotion... such as love, fear, hate... and in turn gives us warning signs. cool huh?

i thought it was.

rylan~ thinking, so you dont have to.

Mar. 3rd, 2004 @ 11:26 pm the kinetic energy of a moving fist

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

contemplative
What I'm listening to: brand new colony, the postal service

im inspired... so i have decided to enlighten the world with one of the many things i think about. because as some of you know, i think too much.

most of you drive, if you dont, you get driven. So next time youre in the car, try this... To do this experiment, travel on a long straight road, and try to stay the same speed. now while you are driving, look out your side window (only for a second because i dont want anyone dying) Notice the speed it looks like you are going, fast right? everythings a blur, you cant focus on anything. now look the right way (forward) about 20 feet in front of your car, focus there for about 5 seconds, notice that speed. Then focus on an object in the distance for about 20 seconds. and it seems to take forever for that distant object to come into view.

i call this realization relative movement theory; in which things seem to be going faster when you only see them from a short distance. We can use this theory not only to pass the time in those long trips to tahoe, but in our daliy lives. Some of us already do this subconciously... such as when we focus on how many more days of school we have left... around 50 maybe. SEEMS FORVER.. but if we live our lives one friday at a time, its only 5 days from monday... not to shabby.

So next time you feel overwhelmed... and bogged down in work, or school, or just plain life... look farther ahead in the road you travel. Or if what you wait for seems like it will never come to you, focus on each and every pothole you drive by. but just remember not to crash... literally, and metaphorically.

goodluck~
fred

Mar. 3rd, 2004 @ 11:19 pm with one slight wave of my hand, star dissolves

Blueroseboy

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How I am:

stressed
What I'm listening to: first single, the format

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